Introducing Technology Contracts to your Family
What’s a technology contract?
A Technology Contract (Tech Contract) is an agreement between parents and kids that lists the expectations and rules for the devices kids are going to be using. Sometimes it’s also called a Family Media Agreement. This contract can be adjusted and modified as your child grows up and wants more freedom.
How it works
Before your child gets their first device - an iPad or tablet probably - you should do two things.
take 15 minutes to jot down the safety rules you want to put in place
take 30 minutes to set up parental controls on that device
When you give the device to your child, you’ll also present the Technology Contract for discussion. Introducing a technology contract with your family is a great way to work together on rules for devices and the internet. Being on the same page can help everyone stay safe online. Go over each item to make sure you and your child understand it, then you’ll each sign the agreement.
Later on, when they get their first phone, you'll update the contract even more. Again, we recommend you jot down some non-negotiable rules first but write the contract together so that you negotiate the details up front.
Introducing a technology contract with your family is a great way to work together on rules for devices and the internet. Being on the same page can help everyone stay safe online.
You might be wondering how to make this happen. Here are some tips for introducing a family contract to your family.
Set the rules together
Introduce the idea of non-negotiable rules and flexible rules.
Some examples of non-negotiable safety rules are:
You, as a parent, are able to review their devices to see what sites they are visiting and who they are communicating with.
Devices will stay out of the bedroom, especially overnight, 100%
A strict no-texting-while-driving rule
Using parental controls
Never share private information with strangers, including name, address, school, birthday, or any other information a stranger could use to find them
Flexible rules tend to be family-specific, non-safety rules. Some examples of flexible rules are:
If phones are allowed at the dinner table
When screens are allowed after school and when it’s offline time
What types of video games are okay
When devices should be turned off for bedtime
If a phone goes to school with your child
With any contract, it's about the conversations that happen around the contract and collaborating with the child on the guidelines. This is the main idea - you've got to be allies, not enemies, with your kids as you introduce the idea of a contract and you have to be open to input from them so they feel included.
Is it too late to set up a Tech Contract if my kids already have devices?
No! It’s never too late.
You may get some “push back” because your family hasn’t had formalized rules before and your child may feel like you’re “taking away their freedom”, maybe even “ruining their life.”
That’s okay. You’re parenting for their safety and mental health, just like you do in the world face to face. You set boundaries and limits all the time for their safety and health offline.
What’s good about contracts?
Kids are learning how to negotiate
Kids are learning their voice matters
Kids are learning about boundaries and limits with technology
You are communication your family values and what’s most important
You are leading with safety and health goals
You and your child are working together
You can always revisit the contract
What happens after the contract?
In our Complete Guide to Digital Milestones for Kids we provide guidance to help you set up the guidelines around when kids should have access to all sorts of technology and what you should be focused on as a parent.
The technology contract is an evolving document. As your child grows and wants access to more tech, you’ll want to update the contract. On the other hand, you may find that some of the rules aren’t being followed and you’ll lead conversations around what’s going on there.
You’re the model
We need to model the behavior we want to see in our children. Technology rules, how you treat others online and whether you text while driving - your child is watching you closely.
Some of my favorite free technology contracts
Bark's contract is a simple checklist and easy to get started.
If you want a customizable contract in the form of a heart-felt letter, we recommend Janell Burley Hofmann’s iRules contract--you can look at her example and create your own customized letter to your child just by inputting the types of devices your child has. It definitely takes longer but can reflect your family values more.
Common Sense Media has a Family Media agreement that’s also worth a look. In it, your child agrees to do five things (think first, stay safe, take care, stay balanced and communicate openly) in exchange for your understanding that technology is a major part of their world.
Screenagers has some useful family contract guidance on leading with your values and beliefs as a family.