How to talk to teens about online safety when they already "know it all"
Nobody likes being lectured at... least of all teenagers.
And especially about online safety. Teens have been using technology for years and feel like they know waaaaay more than their parents. And when they sense a lecture is headed their way, they get defensive, shut down and brace themselves for being "talked at".
So how do you have hard conversations about online safety?
It's hard to start a conversation on cyber safety with a teen who feels like they already know it all.
This is why we recommend starting "sideways". What we mean by that is start with a comment or question that's neutral and opens the door to deeper thought.
For example:
"Have you ever thought about why social media is free? How are they making their money?"
"Have you heard that Instagram is changing its policies so that you can't see "likes"? What do you think of that? What do you think they're trying to do?"
Have a “sideways conversation.”
Get them critically thinking, with you not as the "enemy adult", but as curious peer who's genuinely interested in their perspective.
With this type of conversation starter, you can be allies on the same side and talk about things that matter to you both. Teens are more apt to share their reality when you treat them as equal and try to set aside your agenda.
Ask curiosity questions and relate it to something you've heard on the news or your own personal experience.
For example: "I was reading an article last month about Instagram letting strangers DM you... I wonder why they allow that?"
To ask more personal questions, you've got to create a safe place. The conversation won't go anywhere if your teen feels like they're going to be punished if they share what's really happening with you. You've got to let them know that you can handle the truth and won't punish them for what they disclose.
Once you've got their attention and they feel safe, you can turn the conversation to your teen's cyber safety.
For example: "I'm curious... and you won't get in trouble if you tell me, I just want to start to understand what your world is like--How often do you get creepy strangers messaging you in Instagram? What do you do when you get one?"
Imagine what you could learn by easing into conversations with this approach.
This type of conversation takes time and patience. Your teen needs to trust that you're a safe person, won't "overreact" and are coming from a place of love, not judgment or punishment. It's hard to start a conversation on online safety with a teen who feels like they already know it all. But it's so worth it when they open up and listen, share and remember that you can be trusted to handle anything they might bring your way.
