Podcast Ep 9 Lauren Honold and teen perspective on social media
These are some excerpts from a recent podcast interview with my special teen guest Lauren Honold. If you’d like to hear the whole interview (and you should!), go here for episode 9 of the Unplug & Plug In show.
Wouldn't it be fascinating to be able to talk to a teenager who could describe what it's really like to grow up with social media? The good, the bad, and the ugly?!?
That's exactly what I got to do recently.
This is one of my favorite episodes because my guest is insightful, funny, and has a lot to say to parents about what's really going on with teens and phones. Best of all, she is still a teen so she's right there in that world.
This is a must-listen to episode! Go here for the full interview
Here’s just a bit of our conversation…
If social media platforms were people, what would their personalities be?
Instagram is a neat freak. It encourages highly edited, highly curated pages that people go to show their best selves, like a highlight reel of life.
It would be really prissy. Probably annoying. Needy for others' validation.
Snapchat is more extroverted and social. It’s where you show pictures to your contacts and message your friends. And if you take a picture on the app, it'll save it just to the app.
If Snapchat were a person, it would probably be wearing sweatpants. Instagram would probably be wearing a brand new dress that they do not intend to be re-wear ever. Something that really goes into the whole over consumerism.
TikTok is like that friend that sabotages you and you’re never really sure if you’re really friends, a frenemy, let’s say.
If TikTok were a person, it would probably still continue to dress in hoodies and sweatpants. It's a pretty casual app. TikTok started as a place where normal people, anyone, could get famous. That was the lure for a lot of people in 2020, 2019 or 2018. Obviously now it's a lot different, partly because it's gotten to be such a social media giant.
TikTok is definitely the app that I tend to take little social media breaks off of the most because it’s pretty toxic.
How do teens decide whether to group chat on Instagram or Snapchat?
A lot of people don't text on Instagram because they like to delete that app a lot. Like when you hear people say they're going on a social media detox, sometimes it can include Snapchat, but mostly it includes Instagram and TikTok.
Generally, I try to make group chats on Snapchat just because people are more likely to check it.
And the other reasons to use Snapchat is that Instagram can be really distracting. You're not going on Instagram to check messages, you're going on it to look at the different pictures.
Which app is the most toxic for teens? (Teen perspective)
TikTok is the most toxic. It's definitely the app that I tend to take little social media breaks off of the most, because half the time, you'll see the Comedy Central type stuff that you think is funny or maybe like hairstyle ideas (That's one of the main reasons I go on because I like to see like the advice and stuff like that.) But on the other half of it, you'll get totally unsolicited “body checking” and other toxic stuff like that, that can really induce like an unhealthy side of your mental health. So definitely that is the one that I would stay away from the most.
What’s “body checking” and why is it so dangerous to teens?
Body checking is a thing that I've seen mostly on TikTok. It's has a very sly nature because to an audience, it looks like the video creator is just trying to show you their outfit or a “get ready with me” type video. That’s what their words say. And the videos show up unsolicited. But what the person is doing with their actions is actually trying to show off how skinny and tiny their body is, like they're sucking in their stomach or they're turning their body to the side in different angles, just to show how bony they can be.
It can really induce eating disorders, especially in girls.
And it's really unhealthy.
TikTok exploits teen insecurities
My generation tends to text more online than you do and TikTok is able to see all my texts. So if I feel upset about something and text my boyfriend, like if I felt insecure about my face and I texted him, TikTok will see that, and know my insecurities and start showing me videos with those keywords. They're going to be more likely to put that on a “for you” page.
TikTok mines personal information for your insecurities and serves it back to you in your “for you” page and random videos it shows you. It’s so invasive and unhealthy.
Where should parents focus their efforts when it comes to social media?
Parents aren’t over focused anywhere. I think they need to pay more attention to kids and their phones and what they’re doing.
Parents need to focus on consciously deciding what age kids should be before they have their phone.
You and I, we had that assembly presentation at the elementary school, and 90% of the 5th and 6th graders already had phones.
I was shocked.
I think that I had a pretty happy life as an elementary kid. And I don't think a phone would have helped that too much. I think I lived in the moment. And it helped give me the tools to continue living in the moment, as a high schooler and in the future as a college student.
Thinking about being in fifth grade or being in fourth grade even, and having a phone - That kind of scares me because most of those people are going to be downloading social media apps, because for a lot of kids, that's kind of the point of having a phone. Like Instagram, I would say it's probably one of the social media apps that most of them are going to download.
You know, digital footprint aside, just having those eyes on you so young, it kind of freaks me out.
Lisa: Kids should be kids. Kids shouldn't be comparing each other, comparing themselves to influencers and spending hours on social just doesn't make sense for fourth, fifth, sixth. Let them be kids.
What ages do teens struggle the most with social media and making good choices online?
Lauren: Seventh grade and eighth grade and ninth grade are pretty wobbly times for social media just because kids are in middle school, then the beginning of high school. You're kind of mature, but you're also very much so not. And you're navigating social media more than you were as a little kid and you're navigating the actual social world, way more than when you were a little kid. And there's more pressure as an incoming high schooler.
Lisa: I agree, 7th-9th grades are wobbly, then tend to calm down some in high school. In middle school, that's a time when kids try on so many different identities and they might wear different clothing and hang out with new friend groups, and they're really exploring who they are, who they want to be in this next phase. And then perhaps they're doing that in ninth grade too. Maybe there's a new school or a different group of friends.
But if they get phones before seventh grade, that’s also a wobbly time.
We're starting to get research that shows that that's true worldwide even. The UK just did a study that was a large study that showed 11 and 12 year old girls and 14 to 15 year old boys, basically kids in puberty, were really wobbly if they use social media, they had a lot more issues than those that were not going through puberty. And then a second point of struggle with social media was when kids leave the house, which is interesting. 18, 19 is also a point of major change. Kids are leaving the house or going to college and getting jobs or going into the military, all of these changes, and without the structure of living at home, creates a second wobble point that can happen. And it's good for parents to be aware and, you know, put some extra structure in both of those periods of time.
What's the best thing about social media. And what's the worst thing about social media? What do you love? What do you hate?
From a perspective of someone who spent about two years in the COVID 19 pandemic without school, I would say that the best thing about social media is that it helped me sustain those friendships that I honestly kind of physically abandoned after March 13th, 2020. It really helps me maintain them and feel like I was still in touch.
The best thing about social media right now is it helps me keep up with what's going on. It keeps me up with current issues. And helps me maintain friendships.
The worst thing about social media is how it spies on me. Specifically, I’ve noticed that TikTok picks up on and intercepts my insecurities, and then just really preys on them.
Next steps
Go listen to the full podcast episode #9!
And if you’ve already listened to the episode - what did you learn?
If you learned something or you had an aha moment, would you go over and give us a five star review 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟, wherever you listen to podcasts? Thanks in advance!